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(you know it!) mikey... [23 Oct 2007|01:12am] you loved this song. your thoughts coming from his mouth. we drove in your car. the three of us. this song on repeat. headed no where. you were only 19. why did you make the choices you made? why did you have to say say yes. why did you have to try that shit. why did your mother die. why did your dad leave. why did it steal any sense of emotion from you. why did it take you so long to steer away. why the fuck did you have to die. feeling more alive and aware than ever. you were finally done with the ice. you were changing. you were realizing. you were finally feeling happiness. how it felt to smile. then you were taken away. so fast. so quick. so slow. it hasn't settled. how i can't see you. ever. ever. again. i hate him for taking your life. i hate how he got out free. i hate how he could care less. i hate everyone who aided you with the drug. i hate everyone who does the drug. i hate how it ruins everything precious to you. how it takes you under its reign. how it makes decisions and makes you hurt the ones you love. i hate how i'll never forget the memories it brang. i hate all the lies. all the tears. all the fears. i hate how it all re-plays in my mind. i hate the hurt it caused me. i hate the pain it continues to cause me. i hate the sleepless nights wondering where he was. i hate when he fell asleep while i spilled my heart out. i hate the endless tears i cried while he tried his hardest to stay awake to wipe my tears away. how it turned him into evil. the love of my life. into evil. him and i, him and i. you tried to step inbetween. told me he's going to be okay. you saved his life. he's here. you're not. i owe you my life. thank yous are not enough. they don't hold enough weight. i miss you so much. he misses you so much. though your death has brought overwhelming sadness. it brought him a life changing experience. opening his eyes more than ever. more alive than ever. more stronger than ever. you are his best friend. i'm so sorry for this. i'm so fucking sorry. you didn't deserve this. please come back. please come back to us. praying isn't good enough. take this ache away. i miss you. i miss you. you're gone. you're gone. here's your song, enjoy: "i am eternally thankful for my second chance to live. life is too important and not nearly cheap enough to give. my sister taught me a lesson that i'll be able to teach to somebody elses kid. never leave a loved one on a bad note. i must confess i'm guilty that something memorable that i did. all we need to know about life is this one big forgotten choice. up in the air or dealt with are insecuriites talk about the wrong drug for me they are all the same each one different disecting and affecting my brain i've cried a thousand times never realizing that its my time to shine its my time to rewind its my time to blame someone else for the choices that i don't have to spill i'm done taking something that fixes like a pill i'm done thinking that something like an anti-depressent could be helpful its not doing anything but making more of a fool for everyone around me who that sees how i crazy i got its time to stop take a step back can't you see i'm trying to try trying to try"

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